February 2012
4 posts
Derailment (thought disorder) - Wikipedia, the... →
Yep, this might be me.
Pop Music Matters Speech
A professor of mine asked me to participate in an oratory competition. The prompt: Does Pop Music Matter?
Pop Music is fundamental to the continuation of the human race. Now I know what you’re thinking: “Listen, ya Turkey, there’s tons of species of animal that manage to procreate without rhythm and rhyme, the word and the beat. Turkeys for example.” It’s true, Turkeys do not need pop icons to...
I wrote a short story. A magazine liked it and put... →
January 2012
16 posts
3 tags
6 tags
No Boots With the Fur →
1 tag
2 tags
follow @zardashian on twitter
sou…case sensitive okay paddy. coated dusty. as soon as you can stand up, you’ll pace. as soon as you can shut up, your mind’ll race. Great Gretta, please agree! walk into the wind with me. the moss will just peel away…and it gives me paws to sit sejant and sight the sign: “coming to a January near yous…presentating the paper shredder as the Muse…its a...
1 tag
New Years Resolutions
400 X 600
200 X 680
Give up Diet Soda
December 2011
7 posts
1 tag
Big pumpkin
Keep pumping. I got a new iPad,shirley,don’t call me a padophile. Autocorrect can suck deez nuts (it did not try to correct dat). What’s the difference tween corners and stoops?Ill tell ya! Only one rhymes with loop, but both are in the. Im trying to send letters to G-d but they keep coming back with the word “voicemail full.” yes I know that was two words, don’t try...
1 tag
First Short Story
Getting Published. Pick up Wilder Voice by the end of December.
November 2011
7 posts
Everything I need must be lying around in someone’s house somewhere.
1 tag
WatchLangan’s still calling out audibles. Cop his purchasables.
Hey Ladies
if you’ve recently had a baby or lost weight and look great except for those lingering stretch marks, we want you to participate in Robert’s Swimsuit Days. Time to reveal you’re swimsuit body and free yourself from stretch marks. That’s why we’ll send everyone that calls in the next five minutes a risk free trial of the skin-correcting breakthrough. Call immediately to participate in Robert’s...
Rule of 3's
Biscuits and Gravy
Cinnamon chicken.
Saks
Buffalo Pork Rinds
Savory Lamb Gyro
Gucci
Drenched meatball
Sweet Potato Skins
Armani
WatchGOING VIRAL
October 2011
6 posts
what I wish I'd said to cover how high I looked
Oh, do I look tired? Well…tired…I’m tired…because…I work for match.com and I was up all night getting people matched up for the rest of their lives. 1 in 1369 dates lead to marriage each year. So added up that’s like, ya know, 12 people get married through Match.com a day…that’s a really high success rate… really high…
Shit about Shi(r)ts
The website reads it’s “Not the usual thrift store!” Let’s call it Bison Swap. So I have been given the task of sorting out what clothes to get rid of in my house. That means 30 years accumulative of fashionable teenage in-and-out the catalogue. Some hipster shit. That means some buck.
“You’re not going to wear that out with me.” My mom says this to me...
1 tag
What is art?
twitter.com/zardashian
5 tags
Kite Party's Baseball Season
Most members of Kite Party hail from Tamaqua, Pennsylvania, home of the catcher’s mitt (seriously). While most of Pennsylvania experienced a golden era, baseball season in Tamaqua must have been part of the town’s self-esteem. It’s a hard to see sources of pride start to dim, and however Tamaqua was then, it has more recently fallen into the same lull that many PA towns and...
September 2011
3 posts
FYI
Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Elaine on Seinfeld and SNL’s youngest female cast member ever(at 21), her father was a billionaire.
1 tag
My Petunia
Hey if you like to dance, then you should get off the seesaw (but don’t do it quick or else Jesus might fall off, Santa). I’ve been missing everyone lately since they have all my clothes and I’m in Antarctica in a bra and panties. My gold chains aren’t as tasty as they cost. What a jip! Hey what a jerp. Jimp. Junk. I take big bites I can’t help it. I like shirts with...
August 2011
8 posts
Ballad of A Howard Stern Intern
Intern Camp
Fans
Cupcakes Crumbs
Yum
Gary’s teeth
And his feet
So often sheathed
Our Missing Link
Geektime is Peaktime
Wrap Up Show can’t last alone
JD and Dana sitting in a tree
God, just get it on already
A school attached to Murray’s Will, Oh
A Fool napped on semen-stained pillows
A simple mistake
Like a 6AM Wake
Mrs. Howard Stern haunts Jason’s balls
...
1 tag
I wonder if anyone keeps their treadmill outside?
1 tag
a mix of mixes
I’ll see your twenty-five and raise you a stomach ache, chump. You think you own this team? This team climbs to reach my heels and I keep them there. My nightmare is just a dream that is more hollywood. People need to listen to my dad, because people need to get out of new york in one piece. I’ve been driving for six hours to get some chicken. Get out of my way. Buffalo soldier in the...
